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I want to learn...

I've never said goodbye, those are all too permanent and are almost always reversed.
I've never said see you later, because I never knew what later would bring.
There are so many things in my dreams that I wish I'd have seen while they were happening to me.
I have such closed eyes at times.
Forever taking so much for granted, that is my biggest flaw.

I am not asking for forgiveness...
I've broken too many hearts, betrayed too many close ties.
I am not asking for renewal...
I've lost too much forever to begin to know where to look.
I am not asking for redemption...
Only I can give that to myself.

I just want to know the one thing that no one can tell me.
I want to know what no one else knows, because no one can see the inside.
I was fooled into believeing opinions matter, I hope I've grown past that.
I want to learn myself, in all this time I've never been familiar.
I've dreamed for others, served for others, believed for others, stood up for others.
But in all this time, I've never been familiar.

And I hope, that one day when I truly do know Starling...
I can open my eyes...
Stop taking everything for granted.
Learn the truth.

Reflections aren't always clear,
I wish this fog would go away.......